All of us come face to face with different emotions...Some easy to handle some really hard to describe..I am writing about one such emotion i am going through right now which is so strong that it hasn't left me from the past couple of days...And that is the feeling of being 'numb'... Feeling a sense of hollowness and numbness after following all that s happening in our nation,our city, our Mumbai.
I have never been to Mumbai before...never really had the chance to travel...but honestly i have never felt closer to Mumbai than now. After seeing what literally is 'War in Mumbai', following it for 4 days in and out...i feel like i am in Mumbai though am far far far away from it. I ve never followed an act of terrorism soo closely like how i have done in the past 4 days.My God 4 days is such a long time...4 days of gun-fire...4 days of innocent killings...4 days of bloodshed...4 days of anxiety(for the loved ones)...4 days of ghastly activity...charring lives...monuments....and most importantly memories...
I have always read about terrorism...heard about it on television...watched it being faked on movies in terms of entertainment...but never really watched it closely to feel the pain that goes through it....
My first real encounter with the after-effects of such gruesome acts was during Sept 11th this year when i was travelling from New York to my New Jersey office..I could see people paying homage to the victims...crying for the loss of their innocent loved ones...saw the angry slogans of organisations against the brutality...the least i could do then was feel sorry and count my blessings that such an act of terror will never happen to us in future...
Well i guess i was wrong then- while i see the gruesome acts on Mumbai...devastating our financial captial...bringing it down to its knees for 4 days...makes me realise that terrorism is indeed a world-wide phenomena...anybody could be a victim of it...even as i write maybe somewhere my fate is being cornered...or maybe not...We ve all played games when we were kids...i wish i can play games with God today...wish for an Aladdin lamp...rub a genie out of it...ask for just '1' wish....to take these 4 days back in history...make it such that these 4 days never happened in our lives...get all the innocent victims back to life...bring our brave martyrs back to life...
It was soo horrifying to watch all that happened these couple of days...to watch people being killed indiscriminately..being a hostage to a carnage they dont deserve to be a part of...losing their valuable lives in a way they dont deserve to...The impact on their kin is soo strong...that i feel soo small in comparison to the people who braved it out of the act..I definetely cant say that i can feel what it would be like going through an event so horrendous...but i can definetely say that i could feel the horror...the pain(of a spectator to this event) and more importantly feel the anger boil through me....the anger on how can one value life so little and create such a massacre...
Day 1(or rather Night 1 , the 26th)- i thought it would just be something like the previous few attacks on the city which will not have a huge impact
Day 2(27 th) I read , i see , i hear the terror unfold...hear about the loss of the 3 high end cops being shot point-blank during the attack...feel horrified at the turn of events..I really wished i could have visited the Taj Mahal Hotel in Mumbai before all this happened...wished i had seen how it is to be in a crowded CST station...wished i had seen what the place Nariman Point is all about..wished this terror would stop
Day 3(28 th) I feel totally numb...unable to concentrate at work...unable to keep my eyes of the browser opened onto the latest news...hoping..praying..wishing the carnage has come to an end...
Day 4(29th)numbness continues but with a sigh that the people responsible to this act have perished and met a similar death like those whom they had victimised.I just wish they got tortured before meeting their death.
I knew i could do very little to what was happening in Mumbai but very strangely following news,reading about the incident by the minute, listening to interviews about hostages who managed to escape free,listening to the brave acts of the employees of the Hotels(Taj and Oberoi) and constantly keeping myself learned about the situation was like my contribution to protest and detest such an act.I wish i could do more...but am glad i could pray with the entire nation and stand united.
